CONFESSION IS THE ROAD TO HEALING…

What do you do when a ghost from your past contacts you on Facebook? 

(Note:  The subject of this story granted me permission to publish this blog.  His name and background will be strictly protected, upon his request.   Please help me in protecting his anonymity if you have knowledge of his situation).

Have you ever had a moment of reflection, say 10 or 20 years removed from your youth, where you cringed when you thought of something you said or did to another person?  Have you ever wished you could go back in time and take back some of those heartless moments?  Or, better yet, meet that individual face to face today and apologize in person?

I answer in the affirmative to all of these questions. 

Scene from The Breakfast Club

We all know that high school can be cruel.  If you’ve ever seen the classic movie The Breakfast Club, I’m sure you can identify with the fact that high school is an odd mixture of freaks, geeks, jocks, socialites and wallflowers.  Our ability to figure out which group we fit into is just one of the challenges.  Another is getting along with all the people in the other group.

My 25-year HS Reunion

Over the years my conscience has been pricked with some things I had said and done to a few classmates in high school.  There was one guy in particular that I felt I had been especially unkind to.  As I was preparing for my 25^th high school reunion a few years back, I diligently searched for this guy thinking I might see him at the reunion.   I wanted to right that wrong.  But that classmate didn’t show, and I was unsuccessful.  I promised myself if I ever had the chance to make amends in some other way, I would.

So imagine my surprise a few months ago when this old classmate hit me with a friend request on Facebook.  My bluff was called.  I imagined he might want to “friend me” just to dress me down.  With trepidation, I accepted the request and then waited a day or two for the other shoe to fall.

But no such event transpired.  Resolved with both great conviction and anxiety, I mustered up the courage to drop this friend a note in his inbox.   I told him that I had often thought of some things I had said and done to him, and that I was embarrassed and truly sorry for my behavior.    I apologized and asked for his forgiveness.

The first lesson I learned was this:    Confession is the road to healing!  I cannot tell you how much better I felt after shedding this burden which had haunted me for years.  And the second lesson was this:  Forgiveness is the Promised Land!  Imagine my great relief when this friend accepted my apology, and actually said he had no recollection of my actions.  In fact, he had a rather positive opinion of me.

What has ensued since then is worth blogging about.  This classmate has become my friend. 

We have twice met for lunch and have explored the different paths our lives have taken.  To put it bluntly, my friend has had a tough life.  He experienced the confusion of a broken home as a kid.  His home life led to some insecurity.  These insecurities led him to make some bad decisions as a very young man that resulted in incarceration and a criminal record.  That background has trailed him throughout his life and resulted in a series of setbacks.  Being a convicted felon is an albatross around his neck that never leaves. 

As he explained to me, he is a changed person.  He admits the indiscretions of this youth, and has paid his debt to society.  But without the forgiveness of our legal system, my friend is caught in a familiar Catch 22.  He needs a job and wants to work.  But that little box he must check on every job application about being a convicted felon haunts him.  It haunts him like my actions against him haunted me.

Fortunately, my friend forgave me.  But society hasn’t been as kind to him.

It’s strange how these situations take on a whole new meaning when the people involved have a familiar face and name.  And when they become your friend it is more complex.  I have probably read dozens of stories in my life about convicted felons who just want another chance.  And I have secretly, arrogantly, wrongly judged them in my heart.  “You made your bed, now lie in it,” I would think.

How wrong I have been.

Listening to my friend speak at lunch the other day I felt helpless.  What could I do?  I didn’t have a job for him.  I couldn’t wipe his record clean.  Finally, in desperation, I simply asked him. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” 

Perhaps I was hoping he would ask me for money – the quick and dirty way to salve a conscience.  Instead, my old classmate just looked me square in the eye.

“Kevin, just be my friend.  Have lunch with me every now and then.  That would be a great help.”

The simplicity of his answer floored me.  I drove away that day realizing that sometimes the solutions to life’s most complex problems have the simplest answers. 

I am writing this blog to encourage you to mend fences.  Stick your neck out.  Say you’re sorry.  Accept apologies graciously.  If you have a person in your past that you have wronged, seek them out and bury that hatchet.  If you have been wronged, accept the sincere apology of a ghost from your past.  And thank God that we can experience Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness in Christ.

Confession is the road to healing. But forgiveness is the Promised Land.

Talk to you AfterWords…

(If you're angered, encouraged or moved in some direction by my blog, please leave a comment below or on my Facebook page.  Feedback fuels my writing. Thanks.  KS)

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Chris Rice

While writing this blog, I couldn’t help but recall a song from one of my favorite artists – Chris Rice.  It’s called The Face of Christ.  Read the lyrics below and try to live them out:

THE FACE OF CHRIST (Chris Rice)

He shares a room outside with a dozen other guys
And the only roof he knows is that sometimes starry sky
A tattered sleeping bag on a concrete slab is his bed
And it’s too cold to talk tonight
So I just sit with him instead and think


How did I find myself in a better place?
I can’t look down on the frown on the other guy’s face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ


After sixteen years in a cold, gray prison yard
Somehow his heart is soft, but keeping simple faith is hard
He lays his Bible open on the table next to me
And as I hear his humble prayer
I feel his longing to be free someday


How did I find myself in a better place?
I can’t look down on the frown on the other guy’s face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ


See you had no choice which day you would be born
Or the color of your skin, or what planet you’d be on
Would your mind be strong, would your eyes be blue or brown?
Whether daddy would be rich, or if momma stuck around at all?


So if you find yourself in a better place
You can’t look down on the frown on the other guy’s face
You gotta stoop down low, look him square in the eye
And get a funny feeling, ‘cause you might be dealing ...With the face of Christ